Everywhere I turn, there is Krull. Freakin' Krull. Also known as The Lamest Fantasy Movie of All Time. Constantly running on some movie channel.
Being flogged at Wal-Mart.
And yet, and yet...
I wake up this morning with one image in my head: that of a monstrous three-bladed sword from which the pommel detaches to form a dagger, and oh yeah, the outside two blades can be shot like steel sword blades of flying death.
Because steel sword blades of flying death are exactly what they are.
There was also a secondary image of Matt Houston using a haunch of beef as a cudgel.
And yet, and yet...
When I go to Netflix and type in The Sword and the Sorcerer, it isn't available. But wait, says the search page, based on your interest in this movie, you may enjoy...
Krull. I'm telling you, if it weren't for Liam Neeson's part as "sidekick eating meat," that movie wouldn't even be worth watching.
There is a certain bouquet to bad 80's fantasy movies that is somewhat...heady. As sometimes one can savor the aroma of horse manure, so does the heart of a true fantasist seek out what he knows is pure drek. I have these quarantined in their own pen. Willow. Legend. The Sword of the Valiant. And yes, Krull. So far The Sword and the Sorceror eludes me, but it is remembered with fond horror among us. John could regale you with particularly pungent memories. One watches these, and considers the effort, the resources, the sheer money and planning that went into them, and one thinks, Is this really what they meant to make? What went horribly, horribly wrong?
ReplyDeleteKrull had Liam Neeson in it? Holy crap, I never knew that! I liked him as Gawain in Excalibur, no doubt, but who would have thought he would have been in Krull?
ReplyDeleteOf course, I never got around to actually seeing that movie. I did, however, watch Legend all the way through. And I never got those hours back.
I only admit this because I use a pseudonym.