I've been banned

From everywhere, it seems:

The world wide banning of all Alan's from public buildings will come into force during the new year, said a politician with ambitions to being the king ruler of the world.

Mr Alan Allen, of the preserving Alan Society in Basildon said: 'This is political correctness gone mad. It is alright for the Zebedes, and Zachariahs, but do all the country's Alans really want to go the same was as the country's Abigails. Nothing much was said when that happened, because there are more Alans in the country, but what about all of the Brians, Beths, and Chriss, soon to be kept in their own homes for all eternity. Where will the money for the enhanced security come from, then, eh?'