Saturday, November 12, 2005

Robertson invokes wrath of God, stray cow wanders onto Main Street

In what may have been the result of this small Pennsylvania town's voting their school board out of office for supporting "intelligent design," a stray dairy cow wandered onto Main Street near the intersection with Stony Lane in Dover this week, disrupting traffic for several minutes and even allegedly causing one driver to "swerve slightly." The cow was described by local experts as "probably a Holstein with maybe some Jersey or Guernsey in her." At one point, Mable Osgood, proprietor of "Mabel's Beauty Salon," confronted the aimless bovine as it stood belligerent and refusing to move in the middle of the street, and allegedly "swatted it's tail with her broom." The cow was consequently driven from the thoroughfare, after which it found a small patch of grass in a nearby vacant lot and, according to bystanders, "stopped to eat."

It is suspected by many 700 Club members that this was indeed nothing short of the wrath of God warned of by televangelist Pat Robertson, described by some as "a modern-day Jonah, but without the fish." Robertson himself was not available for comment.

In a related story, some residents of Dover have complained this past week that the town's single stoplight at the intersection of Main Street and Canal Road "has been running a little long." Further evidence of God's wrath? This reporter will refrain from editorializing.

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